Recap for Wednesday August 8th

The comedians climb aboard a slightly lighter yellow bus only to pull up in front of one of those Medieval Times restaurants. Which by the way, if anyone has not seen the Ugly Betty episode about that I highly recommend it; it was hilarious.

Bill Bellamy in a knight costume looks only slightly manlier, and that fact that all we do is see his face through that costume is not a pretty sight. And then when he takes off the mask it only makes his head seem tiny in comparison to the rest of his body, which is still in armor.

They then proceed to show us an inordinate amount of food, which I’m not sure how Matt is supposed to even swallow.

Out come out the giant beach ball (Lavell) and man in dress (Doug) to face off in a comedy set. Levell makes some funny jokes about getting smoked by a dragon and getting his clothes at the Medieval Big & Tall. Why does Doug keep walking around? He’s not that funny by the way. Lavell seems to be the clear winner and the executioner takes Doug away.

Next up are Ralph and John. John makes one funny joke. Ralph changes perspective a little bit by addressing the King. Somehow his jokes are bombing. He clearly loses and gets taken away by the executioner. What happened Ralph!?!

Next guy completely bombs too, something has happened with either the audience or the comedians; he’s even getting booed. Poor guys. Amy’s next and even though I don’t even know what she said she wins.

Matt looks like a lemur once again. But he seems to do a lot better than the last lot. Then Debra is I think less funny than Matt, it seems pretty close though. The funniest thing was seeing the pair’s faces looking up to see who might have won. Debra finally wins by THREE FLAGS!

Round 2:

- John vs. Lavell, John pulls this one off.

- Amy vs. Debra, Amy wins.

So it’s Amy vs. John for the final. Then they have an intermission with some knights fighting. Amy states the obvious, which is that “to win immunity would be like a life saver”.
John’s dragon went out on a drinking binge with Lindsey Lohan and failed the Breathalyzer test. Amy hasn’t been this excited since she lost her chastity belt to her cousin. I personally thought Amy was funnier once she got into it, but John unfortunately wins the immunity challenge. Lavell is throwing him looks so he feels like he might be a target for the head to head challenge later on.

The head to head is between Debra and Matt – I’m sad because I like them both and I don’t like the fact that one of them has to go home tonight.

Bill doesn’t get a chance to do a mini-set, which I have to admit I’m thankful for. Oops, I spoke too soon. Actually, it was one of his better mini-sets.

Debra starts off. I thought she killed even despite the fact that I hate that she automatically goes for the fat jokes. Then it’s Matt. He makes a very funny joke about helping Debra put her bra on, so based on tonight’s set I really think they both deserve to stay, can’t they kick someone else off!?! Damn this is intense, it’s the closest margin in Last Comic Standing history…55% of the votes go to…Matt. So sad to see Debra go but I’m also very happy for Matt. He’s now 1 of 7 comics left. See you next week!

Semi-Finals Part II

Well I have to admit it was really hard for me to peel myself off from reading the Harry Potter 7 book, so I hope this episode of Last Comic Standing makes my decision a worthwhile one!

I miss the first 10 minutes of the show because of a big fire in the wealthiest part of Cincinnati, so I will have to catch up online later, or maybe they will delay the start of the show. It's annoying to try to watch it online because even though NBC's web site says the episode goes online the next morning, last week that totally wasn't true for at least 3 to 4 days after the episode aired. The home on fire is a $3 million estate; somehow I'm not feeling so badly for the family anymore even though I know that's not fair of me to say, but I have a little chip on my shoulder against rich people these days.

LCS comes on more than 15 minutes after 9 pm, in the middle of a black lady with blond hair doing her routine (I couldn't even catch her name!). I liked her joke about breaking up with her boyfriend for not worshipping her. Is she dressed in honor of the Harry Potter release?

Dwayne Perkins is next – Comparing "platonic friendships" with a great employee not getting hired for the job. I really liked his bit. "QT for the booty" that's a good one I gotta find a way to slip that into casual conversations at work since my husband has started to tell me I should imagine I'm not at work when I actually AM so that I won't hate being there so much.

Matt Kirshen's up – he looks like a leaping lemur but I love the accent. He says he's not really a child and talks about his "oblivious" grin. The jokes themselves aren't that great, but his physical appearance just makes him so funny.

Amy Schumer – I didn't think her joke about making sweet love in the bedroom was going to be funny but it actually was! The last one about her boyfriend trying to kill her wasn't though, it's like she ran out of time and got cut off mid-joke.

Sean Rouse - Talking about his dad dying who knows how long ago and having Restless Leg Syndrome. For some reason even though the jokes are funny he's doing them in such a serious tone they make the jokes a little bit less funny. He says he sucked, poor guy, but I kinda have to agree with him.

Lavell Crawford – Looks like he's going to die just getting on stage. He WANTS to be fat ha ha he's funny. Even though they had his preview a THOUSAND times on the ads it still makes me LOL. He talks about the difficulty of putting on seat belts; I almost can't understand what he's saying but he's still hilarious.

During the ads I realize that the guy from the Verizon "mafia" ad is the same guy from Ugly Betty. Useless information I know but I thought it was a breakthrough discovery.

Greg Warren reminds me of a guy I used to work with who was funny BECAUSE he was trying not to be. Greg's baseball jokes aren't too funny though; I mean it's really interesting to listen to him, but it just doesn't make me actually laugh. So unfortunately for him he wasn't that similar to the guy I used to work with.

Andi Smith made web sites for a living, which is so sad only because I've been there done that, so I'm actually happy she's here now instead. I laughed at her joke about her boss being called Lou which spelled backwards is OUL (puke sound). But she was a little bit too "relaxed" for me. She might have to go back to making web sites.

Arj Barker quit smoking because the Camel on the box is actually a horse with a tumor. The part where he says "you're using the wrong accent for this joke" was super funny. Keeper! He's got the style of humor I like the best.

Chuck Roy looks like he stepped straight out of the 70's. He starts talking about Navy Seal video games and while his joke seemed incredibly short it was funny.

Jane Condon (can I tell you all that Condon is Spanish means "condom"?) – And she starts talking about sex, which is a great coincidence! She's a repressed Catholic so for her sex is a job and therefore she fakes sleep. Insightful (and oh so true) but not necessarily funny. Where's her accent from?

Why is Mel Silverback dressed as a gorilla? I just can't get into it: I have to look at people's facial expressions in order to make a connection with a performer. It's the same thing that Nigel said to Neil and Lauren on SYTYCD when they did their routine with goggles on. Even the so called impression of "Curious George" wasn't funny. Dump him!

And now for the results, who will be the chosen 5 to join the Top 10? Lots of people believing it's their turn to move on, but also lots of nervous wrecks who think (and could just happen to be right) that they sucked...

1. Jerry Dee (spelling?) who I missed

2. Audience favorite – Lavell Crawford of course!

3. John Reed (spelling?) – also missed

4. The tension sucks – Amy Schumer can't believe she made it, I'm so happy for her! Only one spot left...

5. Matt Kirshen, who I'm also very happy for, although I'm disappointed some of the guys I liked like Arj and Dwayne didn't make it. Shows you how much I know about stand up comedy!

And by the way, I didn't get to watch the first 15 minutes so I will have to see it online whenever NBC decides it's CONVENIENT for them to post the show! But for now, we have the funniest 10 people in the world...Next week should be a lot more fun now that the top 10 are competing for the top spot because of all the challenges, etc. As Bill Bellamy closes, Amy still can't believe she's standing up there, which unfortunately doesn't make me so confident for her, but I do wish her good luck.

Semi-Finals Part I

We head over to LA for the first semi-finals episode of Last Comic Standing, where we will narrow the field (tonight) from 16 hopefuls to just 5. Next week we’ll go through the same thing and have a total of 10 finalists by the end of this semi-finals round.

We’ve got Tom Arnold accompanying our regular judges, and Tom Arnold probably knows as much about stand up comedy as I do, which is pretty much nothing.

Anyway, I’m thinking it took me forever to learn the dancers’ names in So You Think You Can’t Dance so I can't imagine how long it's going to take me to learn these guys' names. So I apologize ahead of time if I get them strange nicknames that might not please everybody in the audience. Hopefully when it’s down to 10 finalists I’ll do a lot better with their names.

Also, I’m looking forward to a time in which they’re able to get slightly longer sets because I think it’s just terrible that they only get a chance to basically build up to one joke at this stage in the competition.

Here’s the breakdown of where the semi-finalists are from in case you’re curious. Also it’s split into 22 males and 10 females and a total of 23 from the US (26 from North America).

• 6 from NY

• 6 from LA

• 5 from Tempe

• 3 from San Antonio

• 3 from Minneapolis

• 3 from Montreal

• 2 from London

• 4 from Sydney

Bill Bellamy makes some commentary about child proofing which I have to totally agree with. How the hell did they childproof us when we were little? We LEARNED the hard way, staying away from dangerous stuff after learning the first time around it wasn't cool to touch something hot! I think kids today (including mine) are missing a little bit of that "common sense childproofing". I vote to get rid of the entire childproofing industry I think it's just there to make a whole bunch of money from us gullible parents.

First up, Ohio's John Caparulo who was the Audience Favorite from Tempe, which has been criticized for not necessarily being the capital of funny - he's making me scratch my head because he's scratching it so much. He should be talking about dandruff shampoo perhaps instead of fast food, which is making me hungry by the way. His voice makes his jokes funnier than they normally would be otherwise, but it's still moderately funny (I feel like the TBS ads).

Then it's time for Debra DiGiovanni from Canada - More self-deprecating fat jokes, but the one about the dumb girls is good. She's the crazy ex-girlfriend, I think everyone is a crazy ex-girlfriend at some point or another! That was good.

Next, Tommy Johnagin - He makes a joke about his dad having guns that can shoot from 300 yards away, it was OK but nothing special.

Dante - Stay at home dad of a 3 year old which makes him so lovable, I want him to make it just so that he'll get that puppy for his daughter. Makes a great Jack Nicholson impression, followed by an even better Gilbert Godfrey one. This is great but I wonder how many legs it has, I mean at some point it's going to get old to keep getting impressions. They're good though, so for now, I'm a happy camper. Go Dante!

Joe DeVito (related to Danny?) - People think he's the Verizon guy. Sex with two women at the same time. His jokes are completely unrelated but that disconnect makes it slightly cool.

Gina Yashere (from England) - Great joke about her Nigerian mom educating her about the non existence of Santa. No way she was going to let a white man in a red suit take credit for her hard work. Another funny one about a tooth growing a whole other person waiting for the Tooth Fairy to show up.

After the break it's time for Australia's Laurence Mooney. He kids about the lack of female self-confidence and the huge self-confidence of men which was pretty good. Pantyhose are scary and confusing! They make your butt look like a burglar's face, I liked the jokes they felt new and different.

Sara Colona from LA - I like her tempo, she's funny. I love those comedians that talk about their joke like it's the most serious thing ever. She talks about childproofing her house so she could baby sit. She makes fun of Hasselhof's little alcohol problem. It got a little bit racy with her talking about not finding her vibrator which was really funny and I applaud her guts! I'll be mad if she doesn't make it through.

Dwayne Kennedy is next. He's been in the business for 20 years which will make me feel really bad if he doesn't make it through. He makes some joke about Mexicans working harder than everybody which was really funny. Love the comment about still having time for a soccer game. But I still found him kinda odd, it's like his JOKES are good, but HE isn't. It's almost like he should be a joke writer for someone else but not actually do the stand up himself, but I'm no expert!

Spencer Brown from England, 3 years in the biz. His style is a little bit more about physical comedy style, which always reminds me of Hugh Grant. He makes one good joke about Americans, but the second joke was kind of lost on me.

Tracey Ashley from Miami, who's been in the biz 8 years. Her family thinks she’s moving to Minnesota because she’s got a white boyfriend, which is true. The segue about his boyfriend talking about hippopotamus wasn’t that great, but the punch line about “Fast Cash/No Receipt” when she sees a hippo was a really good ending, she just kind of built up to it slowly I guess. Not sure if she'll make it though

Ralph Harris. He imitates his old grandpa which is presumably very funny because the audience is really digging it. Unfortunately I can't really understand a lot of what he's saying so I just have to go by his facial expressions and the tone of his voice which isn't the whole package but is good I guess.

From Burbank we get Sabrina Mathews who I can't tell whether it's a man or a woman but she immediately jumps into lesbian jokes which clarifies the issue for me, sorry if I offended anyone I didn't mean to! She says all lesbian stereotypes apply to her. It was OK but I prefer the non-self-deprecating line of comedy. Then she goes of to say no rich person is going to rear end her because she looks like she's uninsured (and looks like a 16 year old boy so see I'm not the only one who thinks that).

From Australia we also get Adam Vincent. He does a boomerang love thing which is a little bizarre. He's a yeller but people like it. Acting like he had a nightmare to get a girl to hug him which was kind of weird. Even Bill seems to think he's crazy. He doesn't know why people didn't "love" him back, apparently everyone looked at him weird which I guess I did too!

From NYC we get Lori Chase - 10 years living in NYC, mugged a tourist. Moved from Ohio/Kentucky with husband so they probably are related. Cast in Cats on Broadway. Ex husband was gay proposed in cat outfit and peed in his leg to mark his territory. He stole her make up. Pretty funny, but somehow wasn't getting the laughs she deserved. She doesn't even know if the audience laughed!

Doug Benson is last, he was cut from last year's semi finals. Disneyland is happiest place on earth but he wants to make it a miserable experience. He flipped off the camera (in Disneyland not in real life!), I really like it. The other tourists on the ride said he ruined it for entire log! Then he fakes Swedish accent that sounded Japanese which was pretty funny. He's somewhere at the top of my list after tonight.

So the first 5 to make it into the Top 10 are:
1) Audience Favorite: Dante
2) Gina Yashere (British lady)
3) Ralph Harris (grandpa imitator), only 2 spots left...
4) Debra DiGiovanni - Is there at tiara? No Debra, that's another show called Miss Universe, and you got to fall on your ass to have a chance of making it into that one (right).
5) Doug Benson makes it through this time!!! He runs around the stage like a hyperactive dog and says a weight has been lifted and another one added which is what I feel like every time I eat...

I felt sad for Sarah Colona not making it forward, I really wanted her to. Do you have to be fat to make it as a female?? Hmmm. I guess we'll see next week. But this British guy Spencer Brown going back to England to a hero's welcome because British love losers/failure explains sooo much...not really. I do think that the guys that made it through are pretty deserving, but I felt so bad for those people that didn't make it!

That’s it for now, let’s see how makes it to the Top 10 next Wednesday night! Narrowing down the search for who is the “funniest comic in the world”…So far my favorites are Dug and Dante. I really want Dante to be able to get a puppy for his daughter.